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July 17, 2008

Ten Things to Try Before You Give Up on Finding Love

<span class="cap">T</span>ired of being single? Weary from the dating scene? Feeling as though giving up on finding true love is your best choice at the moment? If your answer to these questions is a resounding yes, I ask you to first consider trying these ten ideas. If none of them work… you have my permission to throw in the towel, at least for a month or two! 1. Create a "Must Have" and "Can't Stand" list. How do you know what you are looking for in a partner if you haven't taken the time to actually sit down and write it out? Take out a piece of paper… on one side make a list of the qualities that your ideal mate "must have." On the other side of the paper, make a list of the qualities you could not stand for your partner to possess. The items on your list must represent the qualities that are most important to you. The items must also be more realistic and less superficial. For example, instead of saying, "I want my partner to be rich." You might want to say, "I want a partner who is financially responsible." Take the list that you create and put it in a safe place so that you can compare the qualities that are important to you against the qualities of prospective dates. Keep in mind that you are not looking for perfection in others. Few people will meet all of your "Must Haves"… but they should meet the really important ones. 2. Act as though you already have a mate Have you ever heard a married man who wears a wedding ring say he gets hit on more now than he did when he was single? There is truth to that. The reason why is because people who are already in a relationship have nothing to gain or lose by getting to know strangers. There is not a feeling of discomfort or awkwardness when striking up conversations. There is no sense of, "I hope they don't think I like them." "I hope I don't come across that I do like them." "I am not sure this person is my type, I better not talk with them." "This person is so hot that I am feeling nervous." When you have a partner you can get to know people without all of these worries, concerns and expectations. You can get to know people just for who they are. Many people you talk to may not seem like "your type" at first, but the more you open up the conversation the more you may realize they are worth getting to know. People in relationships don't put initial judgments on others because they are not vulnerable to the consequences of getting to know others. Act in this way and you will find a world of dating opportunity opening up to you! 3. Be vulnerable and open with people My yoga instructor said it perfect, "I am strong because I am vulnerable. I am vulnerable because I am strong." In other words, being real and imperfect with people is actually a very attractive quality. Just being yourself is the best way to demonstrate how wonderful you are. Think of how attracted you are to men/women who seem to be genuine and open about themselves and their lives. Walls are made to hold people in, or close people out. Walls around your heart hold people back and push love further away. 4. Start doing more of the things that you love So many people want to meet someone special so that they can share their interests with a partner. I suggest that you start spending more time doing the things you love and see if you meet someone who also loves to participate in these things. If you love to play tennis… why not join a tennis league? If your hobby includes reading, why not spend more time in bookstores? The love of your life could show up on the other side of the net, or perhaps in the next aisle! 5. Make eye contact and say hello to ten strangers of the opposite sex each week Most people would agree that there is nothing sexier than eye contact. Looking someone in the eyes and saying "hello" demonstrates sincerity as well as confidence. Remember in the movie Jerry McGuire when the character played by Renee Zellweger says, "You had me at hello?" Get someone at hello! 6. Tell your friends and family that you are ready to find a life partner Advertising works! Referrals are the best source of positive advertising. Telling your friends and family you are truly ready for a committed relationship is like starting your own advertising campaign. They will be pleased that you have shared your desires with them and you will find that once people know this, they become aware of keeping their eyes and ears open for others with the same goal! Be ready to be set up on some great dates from people who have your best interest at heart! 7. Smile more A smile is worth ten thousand words. A smile on your face creates a twinkle in your eye and often a spring in your step. People, by nature, are drawn to what makes them feel good. Smiling people make others feel good. Draw them to you with a nice solid grin! 8. Say yes more than you say no According to Webster's Dictionary the word "yes" is described as "used as a function word to express agreement." Are you ready? Yes, I am! In contrast, Webster's defines the word "no" as "a function to express the negative." Yes opens your world, no closes it. If you are ready to change your life, the meet a partner, to experience more… then you need to say "yes" to life. Yes to love, yes to change, yes to adventure and yes to the opportunities of meeting other wonderful singles, just like you. 9. Go out of your comfort zone Do you remember the last time that someone talked you into doing something that you did not want to do? Do you remember thinking that an evening on your couch would be more fun than going to a rodeo? You end up going and 9 out of 10 times, what happens? You have fun! Don't feel comfortable walking up to someone and asking them to dance? What do you have to lose? What do you have to gain? When you go out of your comfort zone, you grow as a person. You experience new things and may even meet new people. Maybe you'll meet "the one!" 10. Pray and project your desires into the universe Have you ever heard of the researcher Dr. Elizabeth Targ? If not, let me "enlighten" you. She conducted a study on the therapeutic effects of prayer on AIDS and cancer patients. The results were striking. After selecting practicing healers from a group of Christians, Buddists, Jews and Indian shamans… she supplied them with first names, blood counts and photographs of 20 patients with advanced Aids. For an hour a day, over a ten-week period, the healers concentrated their thoughts and prayers of these twenty people. There was another group of twenty that they did not focus on. Targ's research showed that the prayed for patients had fewer and less severe new illnesses, fewer doctor's visits, less hospitalizations and were in better moods. Coincidence? Perhaps, but I choose to believe in the power of prayer and positive thoughts. Prayer is about having faith and believing in what you can't see. It is about accepting the idea that verbalizing your hopes, dreams and wishes is the beginning steps to making them a reality in your life. You don't have to be a religious person to know that positive thinking creates positive actions which create positive life experiences. I think the power of prayer is powerful and I recommend giving it a try - no matter what your spiritual beliefs are. Like Dr. Targ's study… your results might just be striking! Jackie Mahaney is a dating & relationship journalist as well as an inspiring author of a novel titled, "Meet Delaney" and host of "Everyday Woman" found on Women Web TV. Mahaney writes about life's personal relationships with honesty, integrity and of course, humor! To learn more about her books, relationship events and web tv show, visit Women Web TV.


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