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August 9, 2008

Teen Abusive Relationships - How To Understand and Solve This Huge Problem In Our Communities

Teen abusive relationships is another one of the areas of abusive relationships that is part of the huge issue of relationship problems. There are so many overall aspects of this issue to take into consideration. To get some idea of what I am referring to it may be helpful to touch on some of the statistics that are available to us. Many of them are not up to date, however they give us some indication of the scale of the problem. Also these figures are not comprehensive as the extent of the problem is not really known because of the under reporting that occurs. This happens for various reasons, usually because of the fear and intimidation that is such an integral part of abusive relationships, including teen abusive relationships. Other aspects of this lack of reporting is the embarrassment experienced and many victims have been conditioned to believe they are responsible for the abuse in some way. Many abusers present as shining knights to others, even victim's own families, and those being abused think they will not be believed, because of how others experience the abuser. Given the fact none of the figures known are really accurate, those we come across give some indication of the extent of the problem. One set of statistics indicated that domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women between the ages of 15 and 44 in the United States - more than rapes, muggings, and automobile accidents combined. As indicated by the age range, this includes teen abusive relationships. Another statistic indicated a woman is beaten every 9 seconds in the United States. Yet another showed a woman is in nine times more danger of violent attack in her home than on the streets. Women and teenage girls are more likely to be victims of homicide when they decide to separate from husbands or boyfriends. There are 3 killed on average every week in the United States. The risk is highest in the first two months after separation. Women and teenage girls are often severely injured - 22 to 35% of of those who visit medical emergency rooms are there for injuries related to ongoing abuse. Surveys show that abuse in dating relationships is prevalent. Some suggest the incidence is on the increase. About one in three females will experience violence at the hands of their boyfriends before they reach adulthood, so this also relates to teen abusive relationships. Sometimes teenage girls do not recognize they are involved in abusive relationships, as they are unaware of, or misunderstand, some of the signs. Such things as being overly attentive and seemingly protective. It is likely these things happen in the early stages of the relationship and can be interpreted initially as healthy jealousy or caring. Before long it will be experienced as possessiveness, or acting like they own you, and wanting to control you in every way. Putting you down and undermining you in a whole range of ways, classic parts of teen abusive relationships as well as all other abusive relationships. This will involve telling you what to do and not to do. It will include extremes of mood and temperament. There will be the apologies and promises of it never happening again. You want to believe him as he seems so sincere and genuine, only you find before long he resorts to the same tactics, often with the addition of placing the responsibility onto you. I met someone recently who was pushed over by her ex partner and she broke her arm. He told her it was her own fault. He accepted no responsibility. Other aspects of abusive relationships, including teen abusive relationships, is being subjected to false accusations, suggesting you have been unfaithful and the like. You can be prevented from doing things you want to do, including being isolated from friends and family. This is not an exhaustive list as there are many other things that could be mentioned. The big question is - why do so many men carry on like this? Most explanations, such as being insecure, having low self esteem, problems with anger, or drugs and alcohol etc., are simply excuses in my view, and are not helpful at all. The only way I can make sense of it is, that as males we are encouraged to think we are superior to women. Consequently, those who allow themselves to be influenced by this programming, tend to adopt the role of master and believe they have every right to hold power over and dominate those inferior lot, namely women and children. This is the modeling that is rife in society and it is no surprise it is manifested in teen abusive relationships. The only way relationships can work is for us to agree that men and women are equal, no one is superior or inferior to the other, and this is shown by the way we relate to each other. It follows we acknowledge and respect each other, and have relationships many people have no idea is possible, and as a result, have richer, fuller and more satisfying lives. <h1> </h1> Leo Ryan is a counselor with over twenty years experience in the field dealing primarily with relationships and particularly abusive relationships. He has given many talks, seminars and workshops on the subject, as well as being interviewed by all sectors of the media about his work. He is the author of the ebook "How to Have An Extraordinary Relationship".


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