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June 9, 2008

Cool, Calm, Or Cowardly In Dating Women

Nothing makes a guy a bigger coward than being totally into a woman. You know those horribly awkward moments where you just want to say the most impressive thing that makes her laugh, or decide that she wants you, or gives her that final insight into what an awesome guy you really are? Those moments turn us into the biggest mushy little fluff balls ever, and it is all based on the how we regard women. Allow yourself a little freedom and even while you are quivering like a coward on the inside, you can be cool and calm on the outside. Ditch the idea that you are the only guy in the world that will strike out and be alone, especially when you tell yourself you will be alone forever and grow old and die lonely. This sort of unrealistic self talk, which we all have been guilty of from time to time, doesn't get you anywhere. Believe it or not, your future doesn't hang on the interest or disinterest of any woman. Whether it's tonight or a night a year from now, there is a highly interested, attractive and intelligent woman out there who would like to get to know you, be with you, and create a few fantasies with you. Women get nervous as well, they just deal with it differently. When a guy approaches a woman, she isn't nearly as calm and collected as she appears to be. But women seem to have a lot more cut throat competition in everything they do. Their friends will slip some of their most inspired relationships out from under them if given the chance. Thus, women have learned the art through a lot of trial, error, and quick learning of covering up their fears and creating the impression that everything is under control. So, now we have two nervous individuals coming together pretending that everything is cool. Interesting scenario, don't you think? A little self laughter might break the ice. When we can laugh at ourselves, we seem more comfortable with ourselves, and we ease our own fears at the same time. It's human nature and it works wonders. Laughing at yourself means understanding that you might say or do something that is less than stellar. It means treating yourself with the same lack of judgment that you would treat the woman you're interested in. So what if you embarrassed yourself? It's only embarrassing if you allow it to be. Not all women are worth your time. Of course, we can't tell whether or not there is any value to the potential until we open it up and examine it, which takes enough courage to approach her and open up a dialog. Some women will make judgments immediately based on appearance alone. Even if you're hot and you know it, who wants a women who can't see past your good looks and into the real man? Those women will give themselves away, either through rejection or flattery. Once rejected, you would serve yourself well to remember that judgment is ugly, so moving on is prudent. If she uses flattery regarding your physical appearance, the choice is then yours. I would dig a little deeper, and hope that she was just coming out with a lame pick up line of her own. When women respond to us, we generally know that we can pick up the ball and run with it. When women don't respond to us, we really are not always convinced that we are capable of approaching a different woman. When she isn't interested, move on. When she isn't flattering or interesting or the type of woman you were hoping she was, move on. When she seems interested but you are hearing a lot of little red flag statements, like constant rambling about her last relationship, by all means move on and do it fast. There is nothing like a beautiful women still stuck in yesterday to make a guy feel incompetent and second class. Never, under any circumstances, get involved with a woman that still talks regularly about her last relationship. Nobody enjoys being the rebound guy. Not all rejection is a bad thing. Sometimes women have a sixth sense that men are lacking that indicate that the potential for a partnership just isn't strong enough. Women are more likely to avoid a broken heart, and therefore are often trying to save everyone involved from feeling all broken up later on. There is nothing wrong with that. Sometimes just because you are attracted to her doesn't mean that it makes for a good match, and allowing her to skip the entire chapter is really a pretty big service for you. Don't forget that women have had school room sessions about everything pertinent to the situation since they were in the fifth grade, thus their knowledge base tends to run a little deeper than ours in some areas. Don't be intimidated or fill your head with doubts. Just move on. It can be so easy to let your nerves come through. Being cool is often a game of getting comfortable with your discomfort. When you can understand that your discomfort is your own, that she is equally uncomfortable, and that your discomfort will pass you are more able to put it away and come across about as collected Timberland at a beach house. For crying out loud, if you can survive all that nonsense you pulled in your youth, you can survive being shot down by a woman. It doesn't need to impact your night. Some guys like to play the law of averages. They will often take chances with numerous women in one night in order to find someone who finds them interesting. If you are simply looking for a one night stand, this might hold some potential for you. If you are looking for something a little deeper and a little more meaningful then you are going to want to be more selective. This doesn't mean that you can't or shouldn't practice the art of interesting women into a conversation with you. In many cases, practicing your opening line or lines in real life can give you a shot in the arm and build up your confidence. That way by the time you finally see the woman that you are interested in approaching her doesn't have to be an exercise in personal humiliation or risky business. Instead, it can be just an approach with class, style, and the invisible inside shakes. If you have found my article interesting, I have come across a site which is at the moment giving away a massive free eBook titled "Secrets To Dating Beautiful Women". I have personally found this one of the best books on the subject of Dating and Relationships and I highly recommend you read it. It's a must read. Download it from; Terry Leslie is a successful and world renowned authority figure on creating and maintaining successful relationships. A much sought after global speaker in the areas of intimate relationships, self-improvement and human peak potential training.


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