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June 20, 2008

The relationship is over

When a relationship ends we go through a myriad of hurt feelings, rejection, sadness, shock, anger and denial. Most of us who have been "dumped" have an initial hope that the other person will change their mind. They will feel sad enough and lonely enough without us that they will realise that they made a mistake. Usually for most of us, after the first few days of tears, sleepless nights, eating disorders (either cant eat or eat too much) we wake up one morning and realise that the relationship is over and its time to work through the pain and get on with the life and rebuilding your self esteem. For some of us it is a time of looking at the good and bad things the relationship had to offer and what we may have done to contribute towards it ending and look at working on those attributes of ourselves we don't like to turn ourselves around. Unfortunately for some of us, luckily a small minority the rage and the denial to not go away so easily and we hang on to the hope that if we keep in touch with our loved one they will wake up to their foolishness and beg our forgiveness and reignite the relationship. This small group can become a real problem and swing between messages of undying love and just plain abuse; they can be obsessed with what the other person is doing to such an extent their behaviour could be labelled as stalking. No-one is going to want you back after this behaviour and all you are doing is pushing the other person away even further to the point they run and you will never see them again. Married couples who break up with one partner unable to move on are an ugly sight to behold. They continue to fight if they are parents it is usually over access of the children or child support or both. The children feel caught because they love both parents and want to continue with contact. Sometimes mum or dad continually put down the other parent and the child becomes confused about how to feel or what to say, this is called damaging your child to the point they will have troubled relationships later on. No-one wants to be friends with a separated parent who continually puts down the other partner, especially in front of their children. The negativity gets boring and draining after a while, is it any wonder why their friends stop calling? The same goes for the depressed broken hearted dumped partner who may not have been married who may have in fact only been going out for a few weeks or months. No-one wants to be around negative people for too long. Of course we all want to help our friends who are sad but there is only so much energy one can give to another before we become tired of it all. The moral of the story is to stay centred, do the things that will make you feel better, eat chocolate, take long walks or soaks in the bath buy cd's or a new car or maybe a pet. Keep your cool and maintain your dignity, it's a lot healthier. <h1> </h1> Joan M Price writes for a 40's plus website which is a support network for people over 40 starting life over again. Joan invites you to the website to learn more on starting over at 40 plus at


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