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June 3, 2008

Getting Him To Like You

<span class="cap">W</span>hen you were still in high school, have you ever crushed on one of the popular guys? I'm sure you followed him around hoping that he'd notice you at least once. Stuff like that make for great stories to tell, but they're not really all that great when you're still living them out when you're all grown up. Surprisingly, it's not all that rare in the dating arena. Many women still follow their crushes around from a distance, all the while wondering whether or not they should open up to them. Sadly, no matter what they do, the odds are very much against them that the guy would turn out to like them in return. They could either do two things: One, to simply not say anything and watch absolutely nothing happen, or two, they could open up and confess their feelings for the guy. You'd think that being honest and telling him how you feel would make him like you too, but it only drives him away. Fessing up only gives him the idea that you're one of those stereotypical clingy women who rush into relationships, and men are scared of nothing more than that. So, does that mean you shouldn't strike up a conversation with someone you like? I mean, after all, he's the one supposed to make the first move, right? Well, that's not the case either. There's nothing wrong with a woman making the first move in a relationship, but it takes a lot of work to come up with the right things to say at the right time. Laying it all out isn't the best way since it's hardly subtle – the best way is to ease up to him and cross the “just being friends” line in a simple, nonchalant, honest way. Think of the relationship as a dance. When two people dance, one of them leads, while the other follows. Both can't lead at the same time, since the flow of the dance would be disrupted, and it'd look weird if both of them simply tried to follow the other. In a relationship, it's always best to let the man be the leader. That doesn't mean the woman has to be a submissive follower all the time, however. In dancing, there's a technique known as backleading. Backleading is done by the following dancer, and it involves helping the leading dancer do a better job at leading the dance. In backleading, the following dancer doesn't take the lead – instead, she cues the leading dancer into the right moves to make and the right steps to take, not by words, but by subtle actions and creating openings for the leading dancer to move into. The result is a more confident leading dancer, a more satisfied following dancer, and a very enjoyable dance. The same ideas apply to relationships. When you think that the guy isn't so sure about your relationship, you can backlead him and cue him in on what you know would be good for the relationship. Once he sees that you are worth his attention, then he'll be better able to handle the dance called love. Aaron Adams specialises in relationship matters for women. Visit to find out how to inspire real affection in a man.


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